In Pakistani society, the process of finding a life partner is often linked to a traditional system known as the “rishta” process. Families and matchmakers are heavily involved in this journey. However, for many individuals, this path can be difficult. When a rishta does not work out, it can feel like a personal rejection and repeated rejections can deeply impact one’s mental health. The emotional toll of these experiences is not discussed often but it is very real.
In this article, we will explore how rishta rejections impact mental health of boys and girls in Pakistani society, how these feelings can manifest and how individuals can find ways to heal and move forward.
1. Feelings of Low Self-Worth:
A rishta rejection can make someone feel like they are not good enough. People often start to question their appearance, personality or even their entire identity. The constant focus on meeting societal expectations can lead to low self-esteem. When families visit a girl and reject her due to factors like her complexion, health or height, it can leave her feeling insecure about her natural traits. Such rejections can instill negative feelings and push individuals into depression as they begin to believe they are not worthy of love.
Famous poet Faiz Ahmed Faiz once wrote, “Nahi nigah mein manzil to justaju hi sahi” which means, “Even if the destination is not in sight, the journey itself is valuable.” This teaches us to find worth in ourselves, no matter how others perceive us.
2. Social Pressure and Judgment:
The pressure to get married in Pakistani society can be overwhelming. Families, especially women, often face societal judgment if they do not find a suitable match within a certain age. Questions from relatives and the community about why a rishta didn’t work out can add to the emotional burden. Even well-meaning friends and family may unintentionally contribute to this stress. The constant need to explain why a match fell through can heighten feelings of shame and embarrassment further isolating the individual.
As Malala Yousaf zai famously said, “We realize the importance of our voices only when we are silenced.” This quote reminds us that no one should feel pressured to conform to societal standards if it causes harm to their mental well-being.
3. Fear of Future Rejections:
One rejection can often lead to the fear of more rejections. This fear can create anxiety about the future. People start doubting if they will ever find a match and whether something is fundamentally wrong with them. The repeated experience of rejection can lead to avoidance. People may hesitate to meet new prospects or even develop a fear of the rishta process itself. This fear can also seep into other areas of life making them hesitant to try new things or take risks.
Pakistani singer and activist Shehzad Roy once said, “Education is the only weapon that can truly change the world.” In this context, education includes emotional education, understanding one’s own feelings, and learning how to overcome fear by building emotional resilience.
4. Family Dynamics and Guilt:
In many cases, the stress of a rishta rejection is not just personal but also involves family dynamics. Families invest time, money, and effort into finding a match. When a rishta does not work out, individuals may feel like they have let their family down. The guilt of not fulfilling their family’s expectations can weigh heavily on a person’s mental health. Some may even feel responsible for the disappointment their parents face which can lead to increased pressure to settle for less than they deserve.
Jinnah once said, “Failure is a word unknown to me.” While Jinnah’s quote speaks about perseverance, it also tells us that failure in one aspect of life, like a rishta, does not define who we are or what we will achieve.
5. Comparison with Others:
Comparison is another factor that worsens the pain of rejection. Seeing friends, cousins or siblings get married while their own rishta proposals fall through can make someone feel like they are being left behind. In Pakistani society, marriage is often seen as a milestone that defines success. When someone feels they are not progressing at the same pace as others, it can lead to feelings of jealousy, frustration and sadness. This constant comparison can create an unhealthy mindset where the focus shifts from personal growth to societal validation.
Poet Parveen Shakir once wrote, “Khudi ko kar buland itna, ke har taqdeer se pehle, khuda bande se khud poochay, bata teri raza kya hai.” This quote means to raise your self-worth so high that even fate has to ask you what you want, reminding individuals to focus on their own journey instead of comparing it to others.
6. Emotional Exhaustion:
The rishta process can be long and emotionally draining. Going through multiple meetings, interviews and discussions can leave a person feeling tired both physically and emotionally. Every rejection is a blow that chips away at their emotional resilience. The cycle of hope and disappointment can eventually lead to burnout. When emotional exhaustion sets in, it becomes harder to remain positive or hopeful about the future. This may result in isolation or withdrawal from the process altogether creating a sense of helplessness.
As Abdul Sattar Edhi once said, “People have become educated, but have yet to become human.” This quote highlights how emotional understanding and empathy are often missing in societal expectations, and how exhaustion in the rishta process can be an inhuman demand placed on individuals.
7. Cultural Expectations and Gender Roles:
The impact of rishta rejections can be different for men and women due to traditional gender roles in Pakistani culture. Women often face more societal pressure with a higher focus on their age, appearance and ability to manage household duties. On the other hand, men may feel pressure to meet financial or status-related expectations. These cultural expectations create additional stress making individuals feel like they are not living up to the standards expected of them. The burden of fulfilling these roles can make rejections even more painful and personal.
Writer and poet Bano Qudsia once said, “Apne andar aik dunya basao, doosron ki duniya mein mat kho jao.” Meaning, “Build a world within yourself, don’t get lost in the world of others.” It’s a powerful reminder to reject cultural pressures that make us feel inadequate.
8. The Prejudice Around Mental Health:
One of the biggest challenges in dealing with the mental impact of rishta rejections is the prejudice around mental health in Pakistan. Discussing feelings of sadness, anxiety or stress is often seen as a sign of weakness. Many people feel they need to “be strong” and hide their emotions which only makes the problem worse. This prejudice prevents people from seeking help whether from a therapist, friends or even family members. Without an outlet to express their feelings, individuals may internalize their pain leading to deeper mental health issues such as depression.
As actress and activist Mahira Khan said, “It’s okay to cry and it’s okay to ask for help.” This reminds us that seeking emotional support is not a sign of weakness but of strength.
Ways to Cope and Heal Yourself:
Although rishta rejections can be painful, there are ways to cope with the emotional toll and move forward. The first step is recognizing that rejection is not a reflection of your worth. Every rishta involves many factors and sometimes things do not work out for reasons beyond your control. Surround yourself with supportive people who understand your situation and offer comfort.
It is also important to take breaks from the rishta process if it becomes overwhelming. Give yourself time to recharge emotionally and mentally. For example: "If you live in Karachi then choosing a good and reputed marriage bureau in Karachi is also crucial." Bad matchmakers who are not experienced enough to handle your case properly can be disasterous. For saving some rupees, dont hire non professionals. You can also visit psychologist if needed. A psychologist can help you process your emotions in a healthy way and offer strategies to manage anxiety and fear of future rejections.
Lastly, focusing on personal growth and self-love can shift your perspective. Engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself, whether it’s pursuing hobbies, improving your career or taking care of your physical and emotional health. Remember that your value is not tied to whether or not a rishta works out. You are worthy of love and respect regardless of how many rejections you face.
Conclusion:
The emotional impact of rishta rejections in Pakistani society is significant and often overlooked. From feelings of low self-worth to emotional exhaustion, the toll it takes on mental health can be profound. However, by understanding these emotions, seeking support and focusing on personal growth, individuals can navigate this difficult journey with strength and resilience. In the end, the right match will come at the right time and it’s essential to remain kind to yourself throughout the process.
